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...and the other on the train. (thanks, Little Feat)  At least that's how I feel right now, having cut down my work hours to 3 days a week, giving me two week days to concentrate on my art business. And as long as the train is chugging along at a slow speed, I can live with that!

I've been thinking about going full time with my art for a long time.  But the timing was never "right." As I look back and wonder, "why now" I can see that I wasn't ready 5 years ago or even 5 months ago. And maybe I'm still not ready, hence the slow dipping of toes into the unknown waters.  But circumstances conspired to make me realize that NOW is the time to at least start.  As Lao-Tzu said so eloquently, "the journey of 10,000 miles starts with a single step." Movement toward a goal, no matter how small or slow, is still movement.  And the day I was paying attention in 7th grade science class I learned that energy begets energy. 

I'm settling down into a rhythm now, trying to keep myself on track in my home studio.  Painting and writing, not laundry and vacuuming, is my priority.  I even came up with a schedule for myself, which helps keep me focused - even though I rarely follow the schedule as written.  It's mainly a guideline to help keep me from getting distracted from my work.

It has become apparent to me that after years of working a 40 hour work week and painting at night, I had reached a plateau in my art.  My desire to grow, to dig deeper into my understanding of the work, to bring forth the thoughts, visions, emotions, dreams that bubble below the surface far outpaced my physical ability to do so.  I was trying to cram my job, my family, my home, my animals,  my social life (what little there was!), my need for sleep, my yoga practice, and my art business into a 24 hour day. Needless to say, I couldn't give anything my full attention.  I was frustrated, tired and unhappy. And lots of things fell through the cracks.

One of the first things I've noticed since having these two days is that my paintings are evolving along with my approach to painting.  When I felt rushed, I rushed the painting process.  I would continue to paint even when I became aware of becoming frustrated.  I painted at night under artificial light, and would be dismayed that my paintings all seemed too dark in daylight. Now, on my painting days, I can paint in natural light, step back and do something else when I start to feel lost, come back to a painting with fresh eyes...

As my mind relaxes, my paintings are becoming both more complex and more simple, an interesting paradox.  I'm learning to let go of what isn't working toward the whole in a painting instead of keeping a "favorite" part at the expense of the rest of the work. I can't tell you how many paintings I've ruined by hanging on to a precious part, trying to make that work, and ruining everything else that was working in the process. I'm working on refining my "voice" - of understanding what my work is about, and developing a consistent visual language to communicate and resonate with those who view my work. And I'm learning to trust my intuition, learning that what I am painting has merit and value, learning to not compare myself to anyone else.

The Universe has been kind to me in these last couple of months.  I've been blessed with two commissions for paintings - and in both cases the people commissioning the work have given me lots of space to be creative in my approach to the pieces.  I am blessed with a loving and supportive family, as well as supportive co-workers and employers at my job at Fine Print Imaging. I am blessed to be in two wonderful galleries - one in Fort Collins and one in Red Hook, New York.  And I am so thankful for all the people in my life who encourage me and remind me of all the good in world.

Namaste.